Imagine a world where you cannot trust your friends, family members, school authorities, and doctors. This is your world if you have a trans-identifying child.
Imagine feeling like such a holy crusader for the trans cause that you reach out to your family friend’s son behind her back to show that you are an “ally”, taking advantage of that longstanding family connection to meddle with someone else’s family, crossing an unthinkable boundary.
Hi S…./P… It’s Janie. A bit awkward to reach out but I felt like I should. As an ally and friend. My daughter and I spoke at a school board meeting this week where there was a lot of hate. I wanted to check on you. If you want to see the video or chat I am happy to share.
This was one of a series of texts to my son, from a close friend of mine, that I have known for years.
My son has not seen this woman (who is also a mom) in years and was never close to her. She and I were pregnant together. Her daughter is a month older than my son. We are in the same friend group and our husbands are good friends. I considered her a friend too.
She found out something was going on with my son because I briefly said something when we got together for lunch one day. I didn’t tell her much. She then disclosed that her husband’s niece was identifying as a boy and that she felt it was horrible that the parents are not supportive. She told me that she secretly contacts their daughter, who she now calls her nephew. These feelings of moral righteousness and judgment that people have about other people’s kids are of course the reason why moms in my boat don’t volunteer information. We never know who is on our side. Now, at least I knew where this woman stood.
After that she began to pry and push for more details, but I would just steer the conversation in other directions. I even said he’s not into trans anymore so that she would back off. I never talked about it again with her.
She continued to lean into her identification as a proud trans supporter. On weekly zoom calls during Covid with our friend group, she added her pronouns. She doesn’t work, so the pronouns were added just for friends? I stopped attending.
Then my husband told me she had also been hounding him too for information about our son when she saw him. He said he would change the subject, just like I did. But she was persistent. I told him to be careful of her. I found out later she was even texting my husband asking for information.
The other day I looked at my son’s phone and I saw there was a text from her to my son. I was shocked. My blood boiled. Who does she think she is? Why does someone feel they can invade people’s lives and have no boundaries when it comes to the subject of trans? What kind of obsession can take hold in someone’s mind that they feel they need to “save” someone’s son? That they are the authority with a savior’s duty to intervene and interfere?
I normally am a pretty even-keeled person, and I don’t usually spout out expletives, but this is what I texted back to her in a white-hot rage, to let her know how I felt about her intrusion into my family home:
How dare you reach out to my kid behind our backs. Are you trying to ruin our relationship? You are a fucking bitch. You have no idea of social influence and what is really going on. You don’t know my kid or us. Do not contact him again or me. Who the fuck do you think you are? You contact him again and I’ll get a restraining order. You’re nothing more than a predator. Our family situation is none of your fucking business.
Butting into other people’s lives is very despicable. Especially since you don’t know anything. Do you know that I’ve researched everything on trans and have talked to hundreds of people who are parents, doctors, lawyers, academics, therapists, trans experts, older “trans” people, and dozens of detransitioners. I know a lot. Too much. I also know dozens of parents whose kids desisted and have detransitioned. Parents whose kids are gay or autistic, who believed they were trans and then grew out of it. You obviously know one trans direction but you don’t know all the facts or you would never try to push your fucking agenda on my kid or me. Do you really think we are unloving and abusive parents and think you know more than we do about our own kid? Do you not think we would not have all the facts or do you think we are just right-wing bigots? Do you want to jeopardize our relationship with our kid? Wtf. There are 36,000 on this detransitioner site. https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/ Maybe you should do some research yourself before you decide you will affirm someone else’s kid and help put them on a medical path to sterility and sexual dysfunction, not to mention all the other health issues that come with it. The world is awakening to this medical trans scandal but maybe you are too thick to understand, uninformed, or just a groomer?
I then deleted and blocked her number from my son’s phone.
I can’t remember when I have been this angry. Why does trans have no boundaries? My sister says I have found my voice. Parents, find your voice and don’t let these abusive “well-doers” harm your children.