Hello. I’m from the Progressive Left. We will soon be in charge of everything, so I wanted to tell you what you can expect from us and what you’re supposed to do.
We will tell you how to live and when to die.
First, we have to talk about your lifestyle. You’re just a tiny percentage of the world’s population, but you consume most of its resources. We’re gonna fix that. After we get done with our Green New Deal, you will cut your energy use by 90 percent, stop all that unnecessary traveling, make do with one tank of gas a year, cut your food consumption by a third, and only buy 9 pounds of clothing every 12 months. Your kids might like visiting Grandma in another state, but they’ll get over it. It’s for their own good. We have to stop our computer models from telling us the planet will burn up a hundred years from now.
Everything you get from now on will be determined by us. So forget all that stuff about industriousness and being rewarded for your hard work. Don’t worry about doing well in school. It won’t matter if you can’t read or write. We will reward you for your obedience, instead. Government will control the goodies and we will control the government. From each according to their ability, to each according to their obedience. Obey, and you can go to nicer restaurants. Obey and you can get your own apartment instead of being assigned to a flophouse and the roommates we select for you. Obey and we will let you shop where we shop. Obey and we will let you travel outside your zone, maybe even go see Grandma. Obey and we will let you into university and give you a good job. Obey and we might even let you see a doctor when you need it. Disobey and…. Well, do we have to spell it out? Your life will be miserable.
You will pay higher taxes, for sure. After all, it’s just your fair share, your shared responsibility payment. A small price to pay for heaven on earth, wouldn’t you say?
Freedom and self-government? We the People are sovereign? Forget all that stuff. That’s so 1776. We have evolved since then. Submission is so much better than freedom, you’ll see. Your life will be great when we build back better. No worries, no pain, no pesky choices to make. You will submit to us and you will be happy. You will own nothing and be happy about it
This is all for your own good. Don’t pay attention to those people who tell you we’re doing all this just to get wealth and power for ourselves. We have the most valuable moral code. We are ending all human suffering and creating heaven on earth. So what if we get rich in the process? So what if we’re in power forever? So what if people get hurt by our policies? Our intentions are good and that’s the only thing that matters. Like one of us said when we were ramming Obamacare down your throats: We have to do these things to “control the people”. They can’t be left to their own devices if we’re going to get to where we want to go – the Brave New Progressive Future. People are just no darn good. We have to fundamentally transform human nature. We have to force people to fall in line with our directives or we won’t reach our goals. So we have to destroy this entire horrible rotten country to save it.
But don’t worry. You’ll love being ruled by us – or else!
