I try not to go after former Vice President Joe Biden too much, because honestly, it feels wrong – like making fun of a Down Syndrome child wrong.
Besides, it’s way too easy. Shit-posting about an elderly adult with mid-stage dementia just isn’t something anyone should ever feel proud of. But, today’s latest campaign blunder by the Democrats has finally and fully pulled back the curtain on good ol’ Uncle Joe’s sham of a presidential campaign.
As you may have heard, the former vice president visited Des Moines today. But what you may not have known is that the time and location of that event was a closely guarded secret until less than 90 minutes before it began. That’s when the campaign’s Iowa PR department – otherwise known as The Red Star (Des Moines Register) – dropped the news that the rally would be held at the Iowa State Fairgrounds.
Somehow, despite the incredibly short notice, roughly 100 carloads of people were able to drop everything and go running to the midway at the fairgrounds in Des Moines for the Biden rally. Worn-out unemployed libtard jokes aside, that’s incredibly sketchy, to say the least.
But when Joe finally started talking – only about an hour later than planned – he barely mentioned the Democrats running for the House – but still managed to mess up Abby Finkenauer’s first name (he briefly called her Amy before correcting himself) – before giving a five-minute stump speech for Theresa Greenfield for U.S. Senate.
During his little rant, the old codger rolled out the Greenfield campaign’s favorite new dig on Joni Ernst – that she supposedly doesn’t know the “breakeven price” for corn. Mind you, there is no standard answer to the question (Fact: there are more than a dozen variables that go into an individual farm’s breakeven price calculation) – and anyone who’s actually worked on a farm would know that – the fact this is the libtards’ closing argument for Greenfield doesn’t bode well for her Tuesday night.
After that, we got about five minutes of nothing but COVID fear porn: death tolls, infection rates, hospitalizations, and all of it Donald Trump’s fault. Right, because when he was in charge during the Obama administration, Washington was cutting checks to fund the Chinese lab’s research that led to COVID-19.
The rest of the time, in typical Joe Biden fashion, he was just a lying sack of shit. Afterward, I wanted those 30 minutes of my life back, but more importantly, I went to my Electoral College map on 270toWin.com and changed Iowa from pink to deep red.
Then I saw the video of his speech earlier today in Pennsylvania. The one where he said:
“I’ll lead an effective strategy to mobilize [the words that followed were simply noise salad].”
Here’s the video from the event:
Joe Biden: "I'll lead an effective strategy to mobilize [unintelligible]!" pic.twitter.com/cggH79eZB1
— Trump War Room – Text TRUMP to 88022 (@TrumpWarRoom) October 30, 2020
It’s just another reminder that he’s not the actual Democratic candidate for president. I know a lot of you think Kamala Harris is, but that would defy logic. She was literally the first candidate to drop out of the race – clear back in December of last year – because she couldn’t raise enough money to actually compete with the likes of Marianne Williamson, the Shirley MacLaine of libtard politics.
No, Harris is just another meat puppet for the real shadow president. This is the woman who made it clear she will blow any man to move up in the world, so giving up all authority to someone else in order to hold the title “Mrs. President” probably seems like hardly a sacrifice.
No, the real “man behind the woman behind the man” is none other than Barry Soetoro – otherwise known as Barack Hussein Obama – who was so eager to “get away from it all” after his second term in office that he moved to the Kalorama neighborhood of Washington, D.C. At the time they bought the $8 million house, shortly after the Trump administration began, we were told they just needed a place to stay while their youngest kid, Sasha, completed high school.
Well, that was over a year ago. Sasha is now a sophomore at the University of Michigan – sorry, not sorry – while older sister Malia is a senior at Harvard. Meanwhile, the Tudor-style mansion in Kalorama has become a shadow State Department just a stone’s throw from some of the most important diplomatic missions in our nation’s capital.
Nothing to see there, I’m sure. I just wonder – on the off chance the Biden-Harris ticket steals its way to victory next week – how the MAGA crowd is going to feel about voting twice for a guy who has vowed to undo everything the Obama administration inflicted on their nation, just to have the Obamas back in charge after just four years.
I’m guessing that their response will involve a lot of bottles of vodka – with rags stuffed in their necks. No wonder they kept the time and location of today’s drive-in rally such a closely guarded secret.
In the meantime, I’m just here to pop the corn. The world’s already burning.
P.S. – In my last column, I called Libertarians “Loosertarians.” No, I did not intend to call them “Losertarians.” That many of you think I did says more about you than it does me or my writing. Hint: “laissez-faire” translates literally from French into “let it loose.”
Author: Krusty Konservatus
Krustopher Konservatus is a true-blue conservative who’s had it with slinging the GOP establishment’s shit just to ensure the Republican Party picks up the “W” on Election Night. He writes exclusively for The Iowa Standard. If you like his work, support the damn website, you freeloaders!
